Cliché
by Keita
Summary: Something I swore would never be uploaded. The dreaded Self-Insertion. But what happens when the world you thought was real, was more of a figment of your imagination than the books themselves?
1. Ugh this is bad

**Cliché**

****

**This is the fic that's been running through my head for the longest time now. Yes it IS a self-insertion fic and YES I do hate them. My muse (an annoying little thing, something of a largish gray rat with plain gray-brown feathered wings) wouldn't let me forget this fic. Grrrrr! Anyway, so I finally wrote it. It's pretty long and will most likely remain unfinished, because THAT LITTLE IDIOT OF A FLYING _RAT _never lets me finish my stories. He always just drops the plot after I've started it! Grrrrrrrrrr. One of these days *shakes fist at air* I'll finish something! You'll see! **

**Anyway, read on, I really don't care if you hate it, it's not for you, it's for my amusement only! It would have stayed deep in the directories of my computer for all eternity… but I decided to be stupid and let people actually read it… *sigh* I'm screwed…**

I woke up, and proceeded to roll over, snuggling deeper into my covers. Ah the joys of summer vacations. I grabbed at my comforter, it wasn't there. I sat up, 

"Ouch!" 

I guess I must have fallen asleep on the kitchen floor or something, that's the only place with a hard floor in the house. Strange, I've never done that before, I could swear I remembered sneaking out of the computer room at like 2 AM and going into my room. Addicted to those fanfics I was….. I rubbed my eyes, and looked around. I WAS IN A GODAMN FOREST FOR CRAP SAKES! Just then the thought hit me and I began to giggle and groan at the same time. A strange sound I assure you. I groaned again. No giggle this time. The first thing that came to my head was 

"Great now you're in Tortall or whatever just like those fanfics you finished _flaming_ last night." And in my PJ's… not that they were ugly, actually they were really cute, full of frogs. I groaned again. I was doing a lot of groaning. I decided to moan instead. 

'Ok, so I was in Tortall' I thought.  

By now that idea had firmly implanted itself in my head. I decided to humor myself. Let me be delusional. I either sleepwalked over to the forest about a ¼ hour walk from here or I was indeed (hahahah) in Tortall. Or I was in a coma. In any of those situations I would have to get up and do something. I looked around. "This is WAY too convenient" I thought " I just happen to be plopped in a forest with no food and I also just happen to be an edible plant/survival-in-the-wild obsessed freak?" Like I said, way to convenient. As it was, I was hungry and decided to forage. I found some wood-sorrel (that stuff grows everywhere) and some clover (hard to digest but I was hungry) I also found a stream but decided not to risk it in case I was actually in the "real world" and it was polluted. With my meager breakfast I decided to find my way out. If I was in the royal forest (HAHAHAHA) then I would have to do the stereo-typical thing and steal some clothes of a clothesline or something. If I was in a coma, then, I would just have to enjoy this odd dream.

NO WAY was I going to go to the castle and announce that was from another dimension then drool over Jon, Numair and the rest of the squires only to faint dead away by the feet of the Lioness. Ugh. Just the thought of it made me sick. I would live anonymously, no-one knowing where I came from. Or maybe I could scrounge a living in the forest. That sounded like a good idea. In any case, after an hour of walking I realized I must be somewhere other than the forest near my house. No way it was THIS big. It was a small square thing, the remnant of the forest left after the farming. And cars could be heard even if I was in the middle of it. The forest was directly in between a highway and a small but pretty busy 3 lane road. If I was in Tortall "Hahahahaha" ( I really should get out of the habit of laughing every time I say that…) I could wander for days or years. Who knows how large these undestroyed (and beautiful) forest could be. 

In case you're wondering, no I was not blundering around crashing into bushes as I would be in a normal situation. I found a deer path, errrrrrr… an animal path of some kind. I really didn't care if I met up with a bear or wolf. If I died oh well. I was finally doing something I liked. I had no responsibilities, no school and no family. Finally peace. I could wander. Besides, the animal path I was on must lead to somewhere useful or else the animals wouldn't take it. 

I was right. I walked out onto the shores of a beautiful lake. I looked across it my eyes blinded by the glare. Was that…. Yes it was. A campfire. 

'Maybe I could steal some clothes' I thought.

Look like a commoner. And not raise suspicion. Then I sighed. No way was I going to be able to sneak up on them. I was a teenage weakling with no experience being stealthy. I mean I loved the wilderness, I would go camping a lot, but I never needed to be silent or blending-in-ish. Besides, my feet hurt. My soft soles weren't used to the rough forest floor. The camp would most likely be gone by the time I got there but I decided to follow the lake shore and get there anyways….. maybe the fire would still be somewhat warm and maybe they left something useful behind. Hah! Fat chance but it was worth a try. Nothing else to do. 

I didn't even WANT to THINK about the bugs at night. Although I was pretty sure I could manage to survive for a couple of weeks on the knowledge I had of plants, pity I couldn't start a fire. I mean, I knew HOW, I just didn't think I could do it myself. And I didn't have any kind of container to hold water in or boil anything, which wild plants often needed. 

The fire quickly died down and the camper(s?) seemed to have moved off. Once I finally got to the site (not hungry though- found some more clover- which doesn't taste that good by the way) I decided to sneak up on it anyway, was worth a try………. 

I took careful steps, about one a minute, just like I read about on the wilderness survival website. (again one of my oh-so-convenient peculiarities) I finally made it and to my surprise the camper hadn't left. It seemed that it was a permanent camp, looking oh-so suspiciously like the one the pages used…..I noticed a thingy where they could have ties their horses and some HUGE droppings (a.k.a. GIANT SHIT!) that could only be from horses. Well it seemed that they had moved off so I decided to look around, ever alert. 

My blue PJ's NOT helping me blend in, I looked inside the cabin type thing… looks like they hadn't moved off for sure. No, the pages belongings were still strewn all over the place. I quickly stepped in and began to pick through the things. Trying to find something that would help me blend in to my surrounding yet NOT look out of place if I happened to be found out. Nothing with an emblem I feverishly hoped. I began to pick through someone's bag. AHA! Success. Some particularly small page, probably a first year, had  a green shirt and a green-brown tunic and another first year had some green breeches. I put it all on quickly, and tucked my PJ's under my arm… who knows…I might need them later. 

Actually as I looked at myself, I didn't look bad… at least no-one would scream if they saw me. I also grabbed a belt with a dagger attached. The fool page must have forgotten to take it. Oh well. His loss. I looked inside the little pockets, there like any sensible medieval person was flint and some emergency dried meat. Perfect. I strapped it on and grabbed a haversack that was lying around. I put my PJ's inside grabbed some other clothes I thought might fit me in and left. I also scrounged around the camp. In a corner I found some pots. 

'Perfect!' I almost squealed. 

I grabbed one and put it in my haversack as well.  I decided to clear out before they returned. But before I left I looked around in vain for another weapon. They had taken them all. No luck. I carefully walked off desperately trying not to leave any traces that I had been there. As it was it took me about twice the time to get even half the distance, hence 4 times as slow. I found a nice secluded spot and settled myself down to wait. I was still within hearing range when I heard a shout. I laughed inwardly. Someone had discovered the thief. I lay down. But something  jabbed my in the back... I scratched it.. there was something sewn into the sleeves. I felt around it. A COIN! Lots of coins. SOMEONE was a bit paranoid. Lucky for me. Excellent. Even so , the coins would be of no use if I had no where to spend them…

'I should probably follow them to Corus' I thought. 

That would be smart. But what would I DO there? I had no useful talents in this world. I couldn't fight, or sew or anything. Nor was I a noble. Nope. Best thing would be to just stay here. But what about winter. I couldn't survive the winter. I frowned. Looks like I'll have to follow them into Corus after all. When they left I would follow. I would decided what to do once I got there. I sighed. 

I thought of all the "OMG-I'm-in-Tortall" fics. Then laughed. Now wouldn't it be perfect if I just suddenly had the Gift? And without realizing it could just suddenly know how to wield a weapon perfectly? Oh that would just be funny. 

So to prove myself wrong I took out the dagger and proceeded to throw it at a tree. Guess what. To my dismay, it stuck… Point first at the exact spot I was aiming for. How perfect. I don't suppose I have the Gift now do I?  Ugh…I probably did. This was disgusting. I HATE THOSE STUPID MARY-SUES! NOW I **_AM_** ONE! Either this was a sicko dream of everything I hated or it was a bizarre and stupid reality. Either way I was NOT happy. 

I was startled by  a loud booming voice yelling "WE'RE MOVING OUT TOMMORROW, BACK TO CORUS" followed by some cheers that quickly died off, presumably by the glare of Lord Wyldon. Wait no… it wasn't him anymore, it was that Padraig fellow. Ha Minch or something.

 It was amazing what I remembered from all the books. Yay. Lucky me. I would have to wake up at like dawn.. that was impossible. I was used to waking up at like lunchtime. Not dawn. I decided to take a nap now… so maybe I could wake up early tomorrow… the it hit me. 

I didn't need to follow them directly. I could just follow their tracks. No doubt the horses would make a nice trail. Perfect. The next morning I woke up surprisingly early. Just late enough to hear them leaving. I quietly (I was trying to make it a habit) snuck up on the camp. Good. They were gone. I then began to non-chalantly follow to path that the horses mowed through the undergrowth. 

Once I finally reached Corus I was hungry (clovers can only sustain a person for so long) and tired and with no idea what to do. I was so confused. I  refused to go announce that I'm a visitor from another world. That would be disgusting. And the thought that there might be people just like me already living in the palace, that just utterly repulsed me. Oh the cliché. Yuck. I settled down just inside the forest to wait for an idea. Then I giggled. Oh the irony if I had the Gift. I should try. 

I thought about all the lessons "I'd" learned about meditation and all that from CoM and the Tortall series. I calmed down and concentrated. Doing the oh-so-cheesy "looking deep within myself" thing. What I found made me gasp and lose a hold of it. I began to cry. Yes me. The supposedly heartless girl was crying, something I did so often that no-one bothered with it anymore. When the tears came no blinking would send 'em back. I had the Gift. That was so corny it was like my worst nightmare. But curse me. I was happy as well…. Yay I had the Gift… the strange thing was it didn't have a color. All Gifts had color didn't they? I tried again. Nope no color. Weird. So was my gift invisible to sorcery? Would it even be invisible to Kit?

Oh the corntacularness. (a/n. It's one of my word-melds... it means spectacularly corny) Not only did I have the gift but it was a powerful and unheard of one too. I took the advice of all the Mary-Sues and decided to get training. From who? Who do you think. Numair. *Sigh*… this just sucks. I am so pathetic. I thought about it as I got up. Obviously those mages and regular people that COULD see magic couldn't see mine. Maybe the more powerful ones and dragons could feel it… 

I wondered how I was going to get in the palace. Then a revelation. If my gift was invisible perhaps it could do the same to me? Stands to reason doesn't it? It took me about 5 hours of non-stop trying and flickering but it finally worked. But I was so exhausted I could barely stand. I decided to eat the dried meat and try again tomorrow. 

I woke up with a stiff back and a headache. Crossly I put those aside and tried to become invisible. This time success only took ½ an hour and I wasn't exhausted yet. I looked down and grabbed some invisible meat from my invisible pouch. This was difficult when you couldn't see what your were doing. I ate it as I strolled through Corus and quietly slipped into one of the wagons entering the city. Again I had to wait before someone finally walked through the palace gates before I could sneak in after. 

By the time I got in, it was lunch time and I was ravenous. I wandered around the halls aimlessly for an hour. It really WAS a miserable rat's warren. I finally stumbled upon a door with a sign that said Master Numair Salmalin (a/n No funny little "i"…I'm too lazy to make it). FINALLY! Took me long enough to get here. I become visible and knocked on the door. On second thought…I put my invisibility up again. To see if he could sense me. 

When he answered, peering into the hallway. He couldn't see me! I thought gleefully. I saw a frown, I could feel and see as his magic passed over me looking for a prankster. He twitched. I could tell that he could barely, but just barely sense that for some reason SOMETHING was in front of him. Again I stood still as I felt his magic pass over and through me. He frowned again. Finally he put an arm forward, I braced myself for his shock when he touched me, ready to drop my shields… when his arm when through me. Literally through me. 

**Oh and if you've read my bio, YES this IS that fic that supposedly has Owen in it. I've broken my vow and let it see the light of day…*sigh***


	2. It's been continued

So this is why nothing seemed to brush up against me. Could I have literally made myself ghostlike? I touched the door. My hand went through. So I stepped in. His head flew up as he sensed some sort of magic working. 

Finally he said "Who's there? I don't appreciate this joke" 

I could sense the anger in his voice. It was not often he was bested by anyone. In fact… probably never. He was one of the most powerful mages in the realm if not THE most. I loved this. 

Playing with my victim, I "unghosted" (my new word) and picked up one of his books, quickly "ghosting" again. The book floated in the air, yet he STILL couldn't sense me other that the fact that he had a nagging suspicion that I was there. He couldn't feel me either. It was like I wasn't there. Oh this was precious. 

He walked (stalked angrily actually) over to the book and grabbed it, I resisted. I was having WAY to much fun torturing him. He reached over and tried to touch me but he just passed through. Oh this was good. I had the most powerful mage in the realm at my mercy.  Finally I couldn't take it anymore. He looked so furious. He was close to screaming. I didn't want that. So I dropped the book. Backed up and let down my shield and collapsed in laughter. 

Even then though, I was prepared to put them up at the slightest threat, in case his temper got the better of him. It did. While choking in bouts of laughter I saw him reach for my neck while saying, 

"WHY YOU LITTLE…" 

I quickly disappeared. And his hands passed right through me. He backed up. 

"FINE" he screamed, "I won't hurt you, you , you little-" 

I materialized again and cut him off. 

"Little what?" I asked, all too innocently.

He started breathing heavily, trying to suppress his anger. When he finally did, the truth dawned upon him and his eyes slowly widened as the facts sunk in and re-arranged themselves in a logical order.

"Who are you?" he asked suspiciously.

"Keita" (well my real name was stupid… I decided I liked Keita better)

"Who taught you?"

"I did"

"How?"

I gave a non-commital "I dunno" sound and a shrug. What can I say? I'm a teenager. Totally laconic and un-responsive.

He stared at me. "You do realize what this means." 

"Yes. I am able to hide myself from even the most powerful of magics and I can pass through people and walls. In short I can become a ghost of myself. And it doesn't drain me much at all." I said, exedingly arrogantly (well give me a break, I had reason to be conceited!) 

 He looked at me. "You will need training obviously. We need to find out of you can do more. That and I  need to introduce you to the King." 

He frowned as I made a face. "Not overly fond of him are we?"

"No. But he's not bad as monarchs go." _For a conceited and overbearing prat,_ I though to myself.

"Good. No time like the present"

"Oh and you'll have to excuse me but I don't exactly feel all that comfortable with people… ahhhhhhh so I'll just be you know…" 

And with that I disappeared. Numair sighed.

 Then simply said "Well then, follow me" 

And we began to walk. (And walk and walk and walk and… you get the idea… this castle was IMMPOSIBLY ANNOYINGLY HUGE!) When we finally got to the door to the throne room he held it open for me, then realizing his foolishness turned around abruptly.

"Yes Numair? Why are you so pale? Gods' man you look like you've seen a ghost! "

He chuckled. When he saw how serious Numair was he frowned. 

"Is it another killing device? I thought they were gone once Blayce died."

"Luckily its not that your majesty…. Keita?"

 The King looked around in confusion. 

"Keita!" he said louder this time. 

I swiftly materialized right in front of the King. He looked shocked. Numair swiftly began to explain. 

"You see your majesty, this girl here, Keita, has the ability to become completely undetectable, even to me. Her magic is colorless and when she decides to go ghost on us we cannot sense her. Even _I_ cannot sense more than a nagging suspicion that she is there. She seems to have no physical form as well. She can go through people and objects. I don't know if there IS a  magic that can detect or stop her. Though I will have to see if Kit can sense her."

The King's really blue-contact-lense looking eyes widened. "You ARE on our side right?" he asked, hs voice laced with well hidden fear and concern. (a/n I donno if the Jon would EVER get all scared, but…let me have my fun here *shifty eyes*)

I looked at the King blankly and answered truthfully, 

"I don't know Jonathan, I don't want to get involved with anything. The only reason I came here was because I doubted I could survive a cold winter in the forest. And the fact that I have generally no other talents. But… I have nothing to loose but my life so I guess I'll have to say that I AM on your side… though I'm not sure about any sides at all. I can't guarantee anything. I'm sorry." 

With that I ghosted. "I'm still here Jon, I just feel more comfortable not being seen." I windered if they had noticed my casual usgae of his name. They didn't. I suppose they had bigger things to worry about.

My voice seemed to come from no-where yet everywhere at once. Covering my location. This was _good_. The King was scared. Anyone could see that. I loved having so much power over the most powerful people. When the insaity of the thought came to me, I gulped. I didn't wish to become power-mad. That would not be a good thing. But I decided to let them know one more thing. 

"Although I pass through things once I am ghosted anything that I had with me before, and I want to become ghosted, will. That includes weapons." I laughed. "In case you're wondering I have no problems with killing. I'm sorry you had to hear that but it was necessary. Just don't cross me. I'm leaving. Where can I find food?"

The King gave me directions and I left but I doubt he felt very safe even then. He had just realized that no matter how many mages and guards he had protecting him, he was as vulnerable to death as a ant on the road. After I had taken my fill of the food in the kitchens I decided to play some cruel pranks. Those were always fun. I know…not exactly the virtuous wonderful Mary-Sue am I? Nothing serious or damaging, just unnerving and embarrassing. The palace would soon be aware or the presence of Keita. 

I walked over to where they had placed a magnificent marzipan figurine. A cook was putting the finishing touches on it. I quickly un-ghosted the ghosted back with a hand on the figure. No-one noticed a person suddenly flicker almost to quickly to see. What they did notice was the enormous marzipan figure suddenly disappear. The cook screamed and the staff went into turmoil. I chuckled my disembodied laugh and let the figure go of my power. It reappeared no worse for the wear and I left giggling at the confusion I left behind. 

I was tired though. The pranks were not as funny as I thought they were and I was in no mood for this. I walked into the garden and took a nap on some ornatmenatl moss and grass behind a hedge. After all I was tired, after all this excitement but strangely not the ghosting. That didn't tire me out at all. All for the better I thought, though I did still let it go before I slept. I didn't want to flicker or anything in my dreams. I thought I was sufficiently hidden and my stolen clothes were non-descript and common. No-one would notice. I had fallen asleep very nicely and I was just beginning to awaken when a foot prodded me roughly. 

"Eh, you, what are you doing sleeping in the garden?" I sat up and sneered. (I'd always wanted to sneer!)

Then ghosted. The man was shocked. I stood up and flickered while drawing out HIS dagger. I put it up to his throat and nicked it. Then I grabbed his hand and placed his dagger with his drop of blood in his palm.  He looked shocked and he blanched, his eyes going wide with fear. Blood was welling up in the tiny cut I made. I left him standing there shocked. I smiled. This was fun. He reminded my of a the pages that I had read about so much though…

_Oh__ why not_ I thought… _I'll spy for the King. I  wouldn't want one of my favourite characters to get killed. No I wasn't THAT heartless. (Funny, I like book characters better than I like real people) I passed through walls and into the stable. I looked around for a horse that would be nice for me. I stopped at a pale orange mare with a pale cream mane and tail. _

'Beautiful' I thought. 

Perfect. I materialized and quickly saddled her up not even stopping to frown at how wearisome it was that I knew how to saddle a horse perfectly. I had managed to grab some more weapons from the armory. I was armed with a light but long sword,  a bow and a quiver full of arrows and 3 more daggers. I buckled the sword and quiver onto myself along with the hidden daggers. The bow was strapped to the horse. I ghosted along with the horse and led her through the stable wall. The horse snorted with fear didn't shy away. I got on and galloped. 

Wondering if the state of tirelessness that I experienced while ghosted would be passed onto the horse. It was. We galloped non-stop until we reached the Scanran border. There, I saw fighting going on between Tortallans and the Scanrans. Our (see I'm not evil! I think of them as "our") side was losing so I decided to help. I unsheathed my sword and calmly trotted into the battle. My horse, Shaylee I named her, stayed perfectly calm,  she knew by now that when I was on her, she could not be harmed or tired. I started to meander around getting behind archers and dispatching them and cutting the throats of random Scanrans. (It almost shocked me at how comfortable I was at killing people, but then again, I was a Mary-Sue, so… no) The people I was helping looked incredibly taken aback as they saw Scanrans being mowed down by some unknown force. They quickly realized that whatever it was, it was helping them and continued fighting with renewed fervor. I smiled and went back to my work. Soon every Scanran was dead or captured. I smiled and said "Your welcome" and galloped away leaving behind many-a-warrior with tales to tell the people back home. 

In a couple more days I had successfully figured where Maggur was keeping himself (mostly by eavesdropping and scaring people out of their wits). I quickly hid Shaylee a long way into the forest and ran to where I knew he was holed up. He was sitting in a chair drinking wine with is guards all around him. 

'Little good it would do him' I thought, laughing mirthlessly. 

I unsheathed my keenest dagger and walked up to him. As he lifted his head up to guzzle more wine his neck was exposed. I quickly slit his throat. He had only enough time for a dying gurgle. He slumped down, dead, his guards looking on in horror. He had not left any instructions or someone designated to be his successor and he held all the battle plans and secrets in his vile yet brilliant head. 

As soon as he died, the spells of encagement keeping his hostages trapped were broken and they quickly ran away, not followed by the guards who were still completely dumfounded by his death. They soon looked at my knife, or the blood dripping off my knife. I quickly un/re-ghosted before they could see anything. The blood, now safely hidden. 

I walked off to where I had hid Shaylee. Once again I climbed onto her back and we were off to Tortall. We whipped through forests and rocks, going through travelers, and land masses alike. Never stopping. The thrill of the speed was more breath-taking than last time, because now, I had no mission weighing down on my chest. I was simply riding, with the wind roaring past my ears, listening to the steady beat of Shaylee's hooves against the road. I continued like that for who knows how long. The days and nights seemed to blend together with the never ending journey to perpetuity. Finally, after an eternity of freedom I decided to face Corus once more.

I had no idea how long I was gone, perhaps only a couple of days, perhaps a month. I galloped into the city, the sound of hooves beating on stone clear. People looked up to see who was riding at such a breakneck pace in the middle of the city. Seeing no-one they went back to their gossiping. I decided to find out what day it was by eavesdropping on some maids chatting by a cart of wool.

"Have ye heard th' news?"

"No! But evr'y one IS acting a bit peculiar now that I think abou' it!"

"Th' Maggots dead! 'Is pers'nal guards say that some demon came an' slit 'is throat, right before their eyes!"

"Hahahaha! Are ye sure they weren't drunk? Sounds like a right foolish tale!"

"I know! But my sister who works in th' palace says that 'is Majesty is right worried 'e is! She says…"

I left them after that…seemed like news of my exploits had reached Corus by now. That means that I was gone for at least three weeks. It would have surely taken that long to get a message through, although I still wasn't very familiar with the how long a regular horse could run in a day, nor how long it would take the spies to actually get wind of the assassination. But if the commoners knew, people in the palace knew as well.

I sighed and cantered back towards the palace, trying to think of what I would do when I got back. Would I just appear in the middle of whatever rooms the King was in? Or would I just discreetly slip in, grab some fresh clothes, eat (I didn't need food while ghosted, but old habits die hard, I wanted FOOD!) and leave to the Scanran border again? I highly doubted that the fighting would stop just because of the Maggot's death. After all, there were still raiding parties to contend with. Hopefully no-one had re-discovered the necromancy spells that Blayce used.

Ever the arrogant and cruel-prankster/freaking-people-out person that I was, I decided against being discreet. I would just pop myself in, drop the (still) bloody dagger (well, dried blood anyway…ewww…that's nasty... I'll have to wash it, and soon) on the Kings lap and see what happened. I'm sure they suspected something about me disappearing and Maggur dying.

I calmly walked in (still on Shaylee - and still invisible) to the throne room, where (no duh) the King and Queen were sitting. People looked up as they heard the clatter of iron horseshoes on flagstone. I hopped off Shaylee and she suddenly became visible. All around various knights and nobles started, surprised to see a random horse appear in the room. Suddenly the King felt a weight drop on his lap. There, on his gleaming blue hose, was a shiny but still bloody dagger. Recognition dawned in his eyes.

"Keita?" he asked.

I stepped back and made myself visible again. A collective gasp ran throughout the room, accompanied by the hiss of newly drawn steel. Obviously the King and Numair hadn't filled anyone in on my presence.

Dammit he left! The stupid flying rat left! ARGHHHHHHHHH! I swear if I didn't need him I'd KILL HIM! Just when I need plot advice he leaves! ARGH! There's a gap in my fic! I have like another 10 pages all planned out except for this GAP! Right between now and more action/humor/my pathetic excuse for "fluff" sorta………

Arghh!


	3. Gaptoothed Knight

**Hmmmm…Ok… I got an idea. But I warn you, this fic will never finish. Later on, it's gets too… personal for me to continue posting up. Sorry… I might be able to just delete some of the personal stuff, but it might damage the story line (remember this is all written in my head already, it was a LONG time ago)**

The King, seemingly oblivious to the shock of the nobles and knights around him, asked,

"So it's true then? He is dead."

"Yes," I answered truthfully, "I really don't know what I'll be doing now th-"

"Your Majesty!," one of his shocked nobles interjected, " You can't actually take the word of this commoner! You can't actually believe that SHE (he said this obvious distaste) can prove it with this dirty knife!"

My eyes narrowed. This pompous little fat man was going to learn his lesson! I would ju- The King's next announcement put a stop to my (evil) train of thoughts.

"I would advise you not to doubt the word of this young lady. She just happens to be a ver- Keita! Get back here right NOW! I don't care if he's annoying! Don't DO anything!" 

I had of course, by this point, ghosted and was in the process of walking up to the fat man to "teach him a lesson". Of course, Jon, being a king (however priggish he may be as a person) was right. 

"Fine." I said in my really creepy echo-y voice (Wow I loved that voice!) and I appeared right beside the fat man. He jumped, eyes wide. I calmly walked over the Shaylee, who throughout this entire time had just stayed perfectly still in the middle on the room. I clambered on top of her, and said,

"If there's anything else you need…just yell…" I laughed, because obviously he wouldn't be able to FIND me anywhere. I suddenly got struck with the best idea for a spectacular exit. (Hey! I may be the heroine of the day, but I'm NOT modest or humble! I'm ME!) I urged Shaylee into a gallop and raced towards the most solid-looking wall in the room. Then I kicked Shay into a jump and just as she was about to smash into the wall, I ghosted us. I could just imagine the shocked look on everyone's faces! Hehehehe Wow, was Jon gonna have a lot of explaining to do or WHAT!

2 days later

There's gonna be a ball! A ball! Woohoo! Don't take this the wrong way, I'm not a girly girl make-up fashion kinda person, (I didn't even bother with lip-gloss on a day to day basis, and routinely walked around in grungy flannels) but I had been in love with medieval style dresses and costumes ever since I was a little girl. Now I would FINALLY get to wear one. Yes! It was perfect! (Ok, YES I am going to describe the dress to you all, it's quite necessary in this type of narration don't you think? If you don't wanna hear me make a fool of myself by following in every other Mary-Sues footprints, skip it, start reading again at… I'd say at the "**_HERE!_**")

It was a beautiful split-front skirted gown, in a wonderful rich green. It had straps were about an inch thick and  sleeves attached that came off the shoulder, only to widen, split and go almost to the floor. My petticoats were a pale green cloth, and felt something like silk. I really wouldn't know, I wasn't a seamstress or anything. The front laced up tightly and enhanced (my sadly lacking) bust. The dress also (thankfully) made my waist seem a tad bit bigger than it really was, a good thing when your skinniness can only be described as emaciated. That was also the reason I asked for wide sleeves. My arms were extremely skinny as well. There was no train, thankfully, THAT would be a bit much. (a/n You know what? I found a picture of my gown! Someone actually made it! I'm gonna have to go buy me one or something! Wow! Only imagine it in green with no train-- http://www.yosa.com/catalog/fantasy/tempestbigd.jpg)

My golden brown elbow length hair (wonderful hair, I really like my hair) was combed down and curly (natural curls damn you! I'm no fake!), with two silver clips holding it a bit back from my face. The face paint was simple and almost non-existent, I really disliked make-up. A bit of black outlining on my eyes, a smudge of ivory-green on my eyelids, and a tiny bit of lip rouge (to take the focus off my gargantuan nose) To complete the outfit I wore some dainty green slippers to match the petticoats of my gown.

As for jewelry? Just a thin and small sliver chain with a small silver star.

AND to make myself seem like the oh-so-prepared and dangerous woman. I tied a small sheathed knife right below my knee. It seemed so garter-like I almost puked. But still… it felt good to be secretly armed, so evil. Ok, let's not make the dangerous error that this dress transformed me and made me beautiful. It didn't. I was still painfully plain-looking, never-had-any-guy-romantically-interested-in-me Keita. Only with a REALLY nice dress. 

**_HERE!_**

I slipped in through a wall in the corner to avoid being announced. I was terrified of those stairs. I was naturally clumsy, and combined with silky slippers and a heavy loooooooooong dress, it would be a disaster. I would undoubtedly slip and fall down, most likely to be caught by the man of my dreams. Ick. NOT HAPPENING!

I scanned the room. The dresses fascinated me! I loved all the styles and colors…they were all so beautiful! Not as pretty as MINE (:oD) of course, but beautiful all the same. 

Only now did I realize how ridiculous men actually looked in fancy hose or breeches. It was just hilarious. They were men in tights! MEN in TIGHTS! It reminded me of that movie, "Robin Hood: Men in Tights" I could just picture all of the men suddenly getting in a line and singing and dancing to that song "We're men, we're men in tights, tight tights!"… Hehehehe. How could people not have noticed that fact in all their fan fictions? I had to distract myself before anyone saw me bursting into laughter.

Aha! The food! The glorious glorious food! There was a table in the back covered in cakes and meats and dishes and… I couldn't take it anymore, I HAD to have that food. I got up and made an ungraceful bee-line towards the table. Grabbing a dish I quickly heaped up 3 different types on cakes on it, 2 pastries, 1 huge spoonful of cream and a cookie. I drooled at simply the THOUGHT of eating it. I went back to my seat, a plush velvet chair (of course) one of the many lining the walls of the ballroom, for dainty, tired ladies. I sat down and dug in. Half way through the last slice of the simply indescribably delicious cake, someone tapped my shoulder.

"Would you care to dance, my lady?"

I looked up. There in front of me was a man, er….teenager I guess, I'd say he was about 17-18 or so, possibly a knight. He had brown curls and a slightly gap-toothed smile…hmmmmmmm that description rang a bell…

"Nope sorry, I'm too busy falling in love this cake!" I said. Well I had to put him off somehow…I couldn't dance! I'd never even really seen proper ballroom dancing before! He blinked and laughed. I doubt that anyone had ever answered him in QUITE that way before. He pulled up a chair and sat next to me. Then he looked at my plate. Then at my waist. Then he frowned. I knew that look.

"I know, I know…Yes I DO always eat like this and no, I'm not wearing a corset. I really don't know how I stay this thin all the time. Numair says I'm a physical anomaly. I prefer to call myself a scientific phenomenon."

He laughed again.

"That certainly sounds like something Master Salmalin would say." he said.

"I know!"

We joked around for a couple of minutes before he realized that I didn't know his name, nor he mine.

"Errr… I'm sorry, I didn't introduce myself to you! I'm Sir Owen of Jesslaw."

So he WAS Owen! Humph, forgetting to introduce himself, what an Owen-like thing to do! Not even Wyldon could beat THAT out of him. No tact, no sense.

"I'm uuuuuuuhhhh," As soon as he heard who I was he'd probably make an excuse to go somewhere else. I decided to make up a fake name and an imaginary fief.

"I'm Lady Kee of Cloverwood." Well I did technically come from a forest full of clovers… I chewed the last piece of that mouth-watering cake, brushed the crumbs of my dress and-

"Now would you care to dance?"

I winced. This was not good.

"Um Owen? I can't exactly, you know…dance…" I trailed off miserably.

He looked at me a bit shocked, but nevertheless, as a true-bred gentleman (in tights! Hehehehe), he offered to take me on a walk in the gardens. Ouch. The gardens. The scene of so many secret romances and stolen kisses. The place EVERY Mary-Sue went with her special guy. Still, I really wanted to see them, so I agreed. (I have a plant fetish. Hey! Shut up you! I don't need your input!)

We had been wandered around the gardens for a while, with me commenting on this and that, just to make conversation. We had just sat down on a bench beside the entrance to the gardens when a short, red-faced page ran up to me.

"Lady Keita?"

I winced and nodded. Beside me I could practically FEEL Owen's shock. The page continued

"The King requests your presence. Would you like me to lead you to him?"

"No thank you," I replied and tossed him a coin. "Tell him I'll be right there."

The page ran off again, huffing and puffing out of sight. I turned to Owen and gave an apologetic smile.

"Look, you would have been uncomfortable if you had known who I really was. So I gave you a fake name…" Again I trailed off

He looked at me and I could tell he saw the truth in my words.

"You're right I suppose… I never expected you to be HER though. You seemed to be enjoy the ball… err food anyway. I kind of expected you to be more like Kel or the Lioness, hating balls and everything. EVERY," He grinned widely at this, "Every female fighter I know hates social events."

I laughed "You only know TWO of them! That's hardly 'every'!"

He chuckled and said "You really ought to go see the King now. Come on, I'll take you to him."

He made an extravagant bow and offered me his arm in mock-gentlemanliness. I curtsied, took his arm and said in mock-bubblyness,

"Oh thank you Sir Knight! I feel so safe with you protecting me!"

Our laughs ringing in the silver-crystal mooned night, echoing through the dewdrop glistening tinkling bluebells, we  walked off to meet the King.

**Joy oh Joys. I'm royally stuck. Again I have a GAP! I HUGE annoying gap! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr…… Wait…. Wait a minute… NO NO GAP! I'VE GOT IT! THE PLOT IS UP AN RUNNING AGAIN! YEEEEES! *pumps fist in air in really cheesy celebration* The new chap will be up… eventually…**


	4. We're off to see the Wizard

Voila! Another chapter! With *gasp* MORE coming soon! Yay! Hmmm I really gotta start getting ideas for all my fics…

With the insane urge to start singing "We're off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of Oz!" we walked off to see Jon, who in my opinion, could actually have a head (or at least an ego) the size of the giant balloon cranium like in the movie.

"What are you humming? It has such an odd tune."

"Oops," I answered, "I didn't even realize I WAS humming. It's… just a song from my childhood. Pointless little ditty really."

We stopped just then at the huge oaken doors that seemed to be cut from one giant slab of wood. Either the seams were hidden or the jerks had cut down a 300 year-old oak tree to make the doors. Ugh, it better some sort of illusion. We walked in. Numair began to speak a mile a minute blabbering on about this and that. I did what everyone else that had ever come in contact with him did to stay sane during these kind of fanatical lectures: I completely and utterly ignored him, just "mhm-ing" and nodding at times. I suddenly felt as if I had flickered and the wall beside Numair suddenly glowed purple. Odd, I didn't tell myself to flicker… was I losing control of my new-found powers? 

Wait a minute. PURPLE!? A certain red-haired woman was going to find multitudes of spiders in her bed one day. Oh yes… a plethora of large and small, furry spiders….

Numair began to speak again The only thing I could make out was,

"How did you know it was coming?"

"I didn't. I guess my body just _sensed_ it and did the work for me." I replied.

Oh no. I got him excited again. He started blathering on. I could only catch the occasional word. Alanna strode out and apologized, explaining that it was necessary to test my powers. She was STILL going to find spiders in her bed. And soon. Perhaps her boots as well…

She looked Numair straight in the eye.

"Do shut up Numair. We can't understand a word of what you're saying"

Hmmm…. I was starting to like this woman. Pity I couldn't remember if I had ever even read the last SotL book, because I certainly didn't remember a word of it.

The King, after being brutally ignored for the past while cleared his throat.

"Could we begin on what we actually CAME here to do?"

Everyone turned to look at him, including me. I walked over beside Owen who also looked cruelly ignored.

"I'm wondering if you would like to go to Scanra to help in the border battles. You would mean a great advantage on our side. Yes Sir Owen, you're being assigned there as well."

Owen was grinning from ear-to-ear.

"When can we leave?" I asked.

"As soon as you want. I'm assuming you won't need an escort."

"No duh."

He looked at me, confused by the expression. I shook my head and said never mind.

"Pardon me, but I believe that I must go pack my bags." I said TRYING to be respectful. I didn't want to face up Jon in front of people who didn't know him personally. That would make him lose respect among his people, which leads to all sorts of rebel-type things, which are… not good.

"You're excused."

 I curtsied and Owen bowed, and then we both walked out of the room. Numair surprisingly STILL muttering to himself, and Alanna about THIS close to whacking over the head.

"That was… odd, to say the least." Owen commented as soon as the doors shut behind us.

"I agree wholeheartedly. I STILL really don't know what just went on, except for the being-sent-off-to-Scanra part."

"Speaking of which, we should go pack now. I don't know about you but I'm eager to get over to the action! Finally! The last time I was there before my Ordeal." Owen said excitedly

"Yup, I'll just be heading over to my rooms which are… are… help? Where are the ladies usually housed?"

He pointed an arm. 

"Actually just down this corridor. They keep the ladies close to where the ballroom, hence "the action" is. They prefer it that way."

"Thanks!" I called back as I bustled (yes bustled. There really IS no other way to walk in gown like this. It just makes me itch to fuss around and gossip) with my skirts swishing. I came up to my rooms and noticed a sign on the door. It read:

_You shall be housed in another more spacious wing if you desire to stay at the palace._

Your new rooms are in the north-east wing of the palace 

The note was followed by a small map. I quickly followed the directions and made it to the door. My door. There, on a little plaque was the name I had given myself, Lady Keita of Sorrel Wood. True, there is no such fief but I needed a prestigious name. It just sounded REALLY good. I opened the door. 

(The following is an extremely large description of my rooms, which I had to include because my cute country white-picket-fence décor style wouldn't let me NOT describe it fully. I happen to be an avid home decorator. You should've see my real rooms…they were amazing…*sigh* Again, for those who want to skip it… you know what cue to look for.)

Then gasped in shock. I stood there standing like a slack-jawed yokel for who knows how long. I finally had the sense to step in and close the door. The room looked simply amazing. I couldn't find WORDS! The walls, ceiling and floor had been somehow magicked into looking like a forest, completed with nature sounds and swaying trees. There was a deep fluffy green couch and 2 overstuffed armchairs in the center, with a nicely carved coffee table in the middle. The fireplace was also conveniently placed. There were random assorted shelves and furnishings around the sitting room but I didn't feel like inspecting them now.

There were 2 doors leading off the sitting room. I took the one on the right. It lead to a study of some kind, filled with books and a large beautiful desk. The walls were a pale blue, not that you could SEE much of it… books were everywhere! My hands itched to pick them up. There was a small brazier opposite the window to keep the room warm. Ahh yes… no more air conditioning or central heating. Damn it. 

Oh crap. The washroom. What exactly constituted as a medieval toilet anyway? I rushed out to open the other door. It opened up to a moderately spacious bedroom, complete with a large fireplace, gauzy curtains, and a large window with a window seat. How'd these people know EVERYTHING that I liked in a room? How? The bed was a huge and fluffy, and covered with a pretty quilt, that matched my pale yellow walls. There was a large dresser and wardrobe to one side, and various shelves on the walls. 

_HERE!_

I took a deep breath and entered the washroom, or privy or whatever they called it. There was a tub to one side, and a screen and stand to the other. On the tall stand was a steaming bowl of water. But the actual toilet. Not bad actually for a medieval affair. It was simply a box with a neatly cut hole in it. Normally they would lead out into empty air outside, but, this one didn't. Magic obviously. I wonder who designed that particular spell. Useful but odd. A shit-containment spell… weird. No smell either. GOOD. I washed my face, undressed, putting the dress neatly (sort-of) over the screen instead of piling it on the floor, and opened the wardrobe. I searched for SOMETHING to wear to bed. Ugh, every night gown was frilly and itchy and PINK. Nothing doing. I suddenly remembered my poor abandoned froggy PJ's. Thank the gods (odd to say that, back in "my" world I was an Pagan/Wicce, so I primarily used "Thank the fates" so be more discreet. Now I wouldn't have to hide it? Cool…) They were clean and washed and buried at the bottom of all my clothes. I put them on and quickly slipped into bed, under the voluptuous (can I use that to describe pillows and blankets?) covers. I fell asleep in record time, which in reality, constitutes as ½ an hour.

When I woke up, the sun was had just risen. Wow, that was crazy. I NEVER woke up that early… oh well, time to pack. A maid had come in and opened up my saddlebags neatly on the floor. Someone had already taken care of the obvious necessities, such as tooth-cleaning powder… powder? What happened to PASTE!? Oh well… loincloths, breastbands (not that I exactly NEEDED those *sigh*) cloth pads (I didn't need those either… yet. Hey! Don't look at me like that! It's not fault my body is messed up! Maybe it's because I'm so skinny…) and underclothes. 

I opened up the wardrobe and dresser, taking out one plain dress for formal or something affairs, and multitudes of tunics, breaches and shirts, all in colors that somehow complimented my skin (which is hard to do). They ranged from browns to greens to purples and blues. When I mean multitudes of colors I mean MULTITUDES of colors. These people were obsessed with looking good. Once I had packed everything (somehow) into the bags I put on my comfortable traveling clothes and grabbed my assorted weapons. Bow and arrows, sword, the works. I got a manservant to carry my bags (the glories of being a "noble") and headed down to the stables where I assumed Owen was waiting.

He was. With his bags already packed up on his spare mount, and his war horse, he was all ready to go. I wasn't going to take a spare horse. Why bother? Shaylee wasn't about to get tired. 

I fastened my saddle bags to my noble steed (couldn't resist) and got on gracefully. Thank the gods that part of the whole Tortall-teleportation deal was that I suddenly got a whole bunch of skills that I never had before. I could have never survived on a horse that long without it. We began to ride north when my stomach grumbled.

"Shit I forgot to eat breakfast!" I cursed

"How did you manage to do THAT?" Owen asked in disbelief, "I suppose that's another reason why you're so skinny?"

"I suppose," I answered sheepishly, "don't worry, I'll manage 'till lunch."

"Alright…" he answered dubiously but rode on. 3 hours of idle chitchat later, we stopped for lunch. (Actually you know what? I'm skipping the trip. It's utterly boring… nothing happened. Hey! NOOOOOOOOO that's NOT why I'm skipping the trip! I SWEAR nothing happened! Yes I DID get enough sleep thank you very much. Geez… you people with your dirty _dirty_ minds.)

Finally with the sun setting, we neared Fort Mastiff.

"Hey Owen? Do you think I should make a spectacular entrance and scare everyone witless? That would be SOOOOO fun!"

"Well… can I join?"

"Sure! What do you propose?" I asked, "Just leaping from a wall? Appearing horses and all in the middle?"

"I say jump from a solid wall. That'll scare them all out of 3 years growth!" he answered eyes, glinting mischievously.

"Alright then," I told him, "Just hold my hand and once we're clear of the wall, I'll let go and we'll both appear."

He nodded and we both ghosted, walking quietly towards the wall. We picked a nice location and kicked our horses into a gallop, the leapt through the stone wall. I felt Owen tense in my hand as we passed through, and quickly dropped it when we were barely clear. We both materialized in mid-jump, sailing out of the wall, landing with a thump and to collective gasps, muttering and weapons being drawn. I smiled. The adventure had begun.

Whoopee! I have IDEAS! *sigh* this chappie wasn't as humorous as the others. I doubt that the next ones will be as well. It's turning into more of the action/adventure it's meant to be. Still good though! The next chapter will have some revelations that I think are pure genius! Hehehehe, my ego is swelling to balloon-Oz sized proportions… Well anyway once that chapter gets written anyway. I have like 6 other fics running around in my head with no plots… It's frustrating. Oh and in case you didn't notice, this isn't a new chapter. I decided Chapter 1 was too long. So I split it into 2. K? Chapter 5 really IS getting some progress though, 2 pages size 12 already and counting.


	5. Carnage

Ah! I have so many little tidbits and random events in my head for this fic! I just got to figure out a way to incorporate them in a plot… Well here's one shot at incorporating a random little bit of info in a plot!

I won't even go into the initial meeting and explanation, it was pretty much what you'd expect. People fainting, called me a demon, drawing the sign on their chests, and a general panic. In two words, highly comical! After the widespread confusion resided, we were invited to meet with the Lord or whatever to get our posts. Unfortunately, we didn't get that far. As we were walking over to the main building, a scout yelled

"Scanrans to the North of us!"

Everyone quickly ran to their posts and began to armor up and buckle on swords etcetera. Owen's warhorse, after being left behind in the grand entrance, was quickly retrieved and saddled up. Me and Owen (or is it Owen and I?) went over to the front wall to see what we could do. One of the officer type people (well it's not like I've been living here all my life, how am I supposed to know what the higher authorities are called and how they look like?) began to give out orders to people to position themselves. Seems like there was a considerable force approaching. I wasn't really one for waiting for an enemy to approach, and besides, it would give the Tortallans (my spell-check wanted to make it Tortillas! Hehehehe!) an edge if the enemy was a bit picked off and scared before the battle. I jumped onto Shaylee and disappeared into the walls.

I was surprised that the Scanrans could muster up such a large army without Maggur or Blayce to keep them together. An army that size could overrun the fort easily. I think that they literally got together every last warrior in an attempt to at least conquer one fort. I think it was a more pride thing because what on earth did they think they were doing? Males and their macho-ism. Re-enforcements would come soon, wouldn't they?

I shrugged off these thoughts and decided to concentrate on the battle ahead. I strung up my bow and grabbed an arrow from my quiver. I tried to shoot from horseback, ugh, no good. Well there's at least ONE thing I'm not good at. I quickly dismounted and realized that using my bow was impossible. I couldn't keep Shaylee safe and shoot at the same time. Urgh! I put everything away, mounted up and charged into the masses with my sword drawn. The Scanrans never knew what hit 'em, literally. Oh that was a cheesy line but it was so tempting to use. Surprisingly their formations held. Whatever discipline the officers used, it worked! Most likely beatings… or promises of riches. Greed will transform any man, or woman.

No matter how much I sliced and diced though, I was hardly decimating their numbers at all. It'd probably take me a week to finish every last one of them, even if they stood nicely in a line, like schoolboys. They were going to annihilate Mastiff, as large and well fortified as it was, soon. Very soon. I vainly listened for any horn calls that MIGHT have signaled re-enforcements, but not knowing the codes, I wouldn't be able to tell whose they were. I doubted that Mastiff had had a chance to send out a runner amidst THIS carnage. Should I stay here and keep fighting, or should I leave and get help? If I stayed the chances of Mastiff being saved were slim, but if I went, where would I go? Who would believe me? I didn't even know the terrain or where the nearest fort was. I mulled all this over as I hacked away at the Scanrans like a weed-whacker on crack.

I galloped back towards Mastiff, hoping to find SOMEONE who could tell me where to go for help. The only person I could find and recognize among the slaughter was Owen. I sure hoped he knew where I could go. I put a hand on his shoulder to keep him safe while I spoke to him. In muted whispers I asked,

"I'm going to get help. Where's the nearest place I can go. The border can't afford for this place to fall."

"Head southwest, along the road bordering the Vassa. You should hit Fort Steadfast before long. I doubt re-enforcements will get here on time but, it's been a jolly fight!"

With that raised his sword and with a wild yell, plunged back into battle. I fairly leapt onto Shaylee and we galloped out of there for all we were worth. Again we ran, only this time, I was ever so aware of the minutes ticking by. After what seemed an age, I sighted a blot in the distance that could only be Steadfast. Thanking the gods that my horse wasn't tired, I urged her into an even faster gallop, if that was even possible. I didn't know exactly WHY I was so concerned about people I didn't know or care about, but hey, if you're gonna get involved in something, really get into it. 

I finally neared the gates and out of force of habit, I flinched and slumped lower in my saddle, trying not be seen. My legs were so sore from the ride (yes I was tireless, but have you ever wondered why cowboys have bow-legs? It's from riding all day. And trust me, riding all day HURTS!) I finally slowed to a canter while in the walls. I had no idea who was in charge of the place so I rode up to the nearest important looking fellow and materialized. 

To say the least, he was astonished. Here he was sipping his water and here I appear, a dishelved, bloody, sweaty, dirty girl on a blood-spattered horse. I occasionally had to flicker to hide the blood dripping off my sword, and in doing so, let ample opportunity for errant blood spatters to hit me in the split second that I was visible.

"Mastiff is being attacked. They can't hold out much longer. They need re-enforcements and fast!"

He took one look at me and raced off to find his commander I suppose. I for one, had no idea what to do. Should I stay and convince them to come, or should I trust that they believed me and leave to help with the fight again? Fortunately I didn't have time to deliberate much longer. I heard shouts and soldiers arming up. 

An important looking noble walked up to me briskly and began grilling me on what position Mastiff was in. As I explained, his face grew grave. He barked out more orders, telling everyone, save a few defenders to arm up and get into their squads. He was leaving this fort vulnerable to a two pronged attack, but it was necessary. I doubted that the Scanrans had more than a raiding party to throw at Steadfast, and saving Mastiff was vital. Quicker than I ever thought possible, the soldiers and knights were ready to go. As they rode and marched out, I gave them one last look, ghosted, and began to ride. 

I ignored the lances of pain shooting up my legs and grimly held on, even more thankful that I wouldn't get tired and fall off. By the time I reached Mastiff, the battle was still raging, though the situation was more of a stand-off, with Mastiff defending from behind it's walls and the Scanrans re-grouping to strike again. I could only pray that the Steadfast re-enforcements would come here soon. I glanced at the Scanrans and decided to put off that attack for as long as possible. I charged wildly into their ranks cutting down everyone in my path. I had only mowed through precious few Scanrans when I saw a familiar brown mop of hair on the ground. Keeping one hand on Shaylee I peered closer. The man was wearing Jesslaw colors and was breathing. Barely. I flickered long enough to make him disappear along with me and hoisted him onto my saddle, his head resting on Shaylee's neck. Keeping one hand on both of them, I walked back over to Mastiff. Owen picked his head up slightly and managed to say (albeit weakly)

"One of the jolliest fights I've ever been in, don't you agree?"

"You decided to take on the entire army single handedly didn't you?" I demanded accusingly

"Never. Just one squad is all." He closed his eyes and blacked out.

I took that time to really assess his wounds. His right arm was hanging limply, with a deep gash in the shoulder. His back was torn, his abdomen riddled with small cuts, and his left thigh was still bleeding sluggishly. He was covered in mud, dirt, and blood, so I couldn't tell if the blood caked and soaked into his hair, tunic and breeches was his, or someone else's. I dropped him off at the healers' building, which was already full of groaning soldiers, and went out for more casualties, being the only one who could bring them back safely. 

I pitilessly picked through the carnage, trying to find Tortallan soldiers and knights who were still fix-up-able and who had and chance at a recovery. At best, I managed to pile two men at a time on my horse and bring them back into Mastiff. On my third trip I glanced warily over my shoulder. The Scanrans were going to strike any moment now. I hurried back into the masses, waving my sword, screaming ferally, trying to frighten them out of their ranks and careful formations. I was still plunged in the army when I heard the horn calls. 

I breathed a sigh of relief and stepped back, my muscles screaming in pain from over-use. I hobbled back to Mastiff, wanting desperately to sit down, using my sword as a crutch. Why didn't I hurt that much after practically 3 weeks of straight riding? Was I too mesmerized and enchanted by the journey, the steady beating of the run to notice? 

The sounds of battle ringing in my ears, too sore to stand, I found a nice secluded, safe-looking corner and sat. I solidified and suddenly the exhaustion I should have been feeling hit me. Trusting my body to flicker when needed to protect me from flying projectiles, my eyes drooped closed.

**OK Ok, so there wasn't a HUGE revelation in this chapter, but there will be in the next, which will be devoted solely to her dreams (I think) Just hang tight, it'll come soon.**


	6. Dreaming of Marble Halls

**Well after a long wait and many threats (though the threats and reviews had nothing to do with anything) I'm starting a new chapter. It is currently 9:37 PM on January 25, 2003. Lets see how long it will take my to finish this… Dammit I think my parents are home, now I'll never be able to even begin to THINK about this chapter until exams are over… *sigh*. Never mind, that was just the neighbors car… well then, here I go, once again embarking on my journey on the Road of Literary Completion, with Motivation and Inspiration as my flighty, unreliable but needed guides. I think in this world of ideas and words, only my Muse manages to stand stoutly by my side (err… on my shoulder since he IS a gray rat) no matter what… Oh by the way, I've re-read and checked over my previous chapters and re-uploaded them. I'm a perfectionist in that way. One mistake is all it takes to re-upload a chapter… just one.**

As I slipped into the realm of dreams and flighty fancies that Gainel rules, I began to get the uncanny feeling that this dream wouldn't be filled with whimsical scenes and odd medleys of people and places. Was I ever right. Right away I came to a marble hall that felt much to real, cold and hot at the same time to be a true dream. With the cold marble under my bare feet and the radiating heat coming from everywhere else, it was an odd place indeed. The stone pillars stretched farther that I could see, holding up nothing but a white sky, perfect from and blemishes, like flawless crystal. Its blankness frightened me, like a canvas yet to be painted, full of possibilities, possibilities I were sure were full of pain and grief. 

No walls came in to comfort me, to tell me that I was in an enclosed space, not alone. The fact that anyone could just sneak up on me and that I had no where to put my back to… that frightened me senseless. Why couldn't I have a normal fear? Like heights or drowning or something? Why?

All of a sudden with no warning, no flash of light, no portal, I felt a warm presence behind me. I whirled around, so incredibly afraid for the first time in my life. I had never had any nightmares before, nor had it ever truly been possible for me to be completely alone with nothing and no-one there. There were always trees, walls, something.

The man behind me looked on in faint amusement at my wide eyes and ragged breaths. Mithros. That was Mithros. Literally. The God was unmistakable in his golden chain-mail and "informal" golden war gear. I suppose he wanted to seem less imposing… it didn't work. Nothing could make him seem less imposing. All etiquette screamed for my to bow, but for some reason, as grand as he looked, it wouldn't seem right. So we stood there, honey brown eyes boring into dark gold ones for an age. Then he spoke.

"What, no greeting for your father? No hug?"

**That's**** it. Well the beginning of it. I will not excuse the shortness, because the next bit is being written right now. **

**Yup****. There we go. The revelation. What took me forever to finally get out, but believe me, it was hard. I literally had to find Motivation, leap on him, wrestle him to the ground, tie him up securely and throw him the cage where I had trapped Inspiration not a day earlier. She wasn't nearly as hard to catch, but impossible and chancy to find. I had to read an odd book which I picked up on a whim. (The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry. The English version. Ever heard of it? Worth the read.) I found her hiding in the last pages…**


	7. Revelations on a Blank Canvas

**Hello there.**** Yup, I still have Motivation and Inspiration with me, though Motivation seems to fare better if I just tie him to my wrist like a little child. I almost feel sorry for him, but when I remember how he abandoned me to jump and lead another person on the Literary Road to Completeness for so long… well, lets say I don't feel to kindly for him. Inspiration, that little tiny sprite has made friends with my Muse, Hæme. I do hope she'll stay for a while, I can't keep her caged, she's not beautiful and free-spirited when she caged. I do think that once the author finds her, she doesn't abandon too easily. I can only look at her; all her whispery and bell-like words are only intelligible to Hæme. I suppose that's the purpose of one's Muse. To channel, find and organize the Ideas and things floating around into comprehensible fantasies that an author can translate into Words?  I believe so…**

"I'm what? You're what?" I stood there, disbelieving. Gods simply don't HAVE children that look completely different than them. Here he was, a richly colored Sun-God, and there I was, a skinny, pale, blatantly east European Caucasian. He continued explaining when he saw my expression.

"Stop thinking in mortal means of parenthood. Sometimes, in very rare cases, a scrap of a God's or Goddess' magic manages to escape and flit down into person. Usually this person is full grown and the connection that the mortal and the immortal feel result in offspring. Such a thing happened between Weiryn and Sarrah, now known and the Green Lady. That's why Daine is a half-god. In other rarer cases, this magic instills in a fetus, a formless blob still. 

"That's what happened to you. Being so young, you died within the womb. I was still a young god then, for this was still early in the time of the Old Ones, and their magic was imbedded in anything and everything they did. That's the reason for your odd magic, though your "immortal" stamina comes from me. Mother Flame and Father Universe took pity on you and brought you to life again, though the time you spent in the Realms of the Dead cost you dear. I think you know what fled you and failed to develop the second your life flickered away under the pressure of the God-Magic."

I nodded. I lost something other people took for granted, loved, and others cursed. Something that essentially makes up a human. Emotions. That's why I was such a thrill seeker, such a law-breaker, such a lover of jokes, the adrenaline rush and momentary nice feelings would make me happy, because nothing else could. I took crazy risks, shoplifted, collected various dangerous weapons, and laughed at the saddest events that could ever happen. I simply didn't find them sad or terrible, just funny.

"Why did you do that to me? Why couldn't you just leave me dead? I'd've been better of that way…"

"No no, you were far to rare an occurrence for that, and from a "seed" of a great god? Much to special. Don't worry, though a motherly love has been taken from you, the reason for which you will never be fertile, the Great Mother Goddess appealed for a gift to you. She managed to give you the possibility of true friendship and love. Though you cannot have many true and close friends and lovers, you can have some, who will be dear to you. Though I must continue to tell you of you life up to now. 

"You were put in a limbo of sorts, a vast blank space to mature mentally and physically. Unfortunately this took a very long time, millennia's upon millennia's. We were forced to give a world of your own for your mind to dwell in. The one we started and you created held one outlet however, for the real world to come to you…"

"The books." I stated flatly. Suddenly I understood why they had captivated me… they weren't a glimpse into some strange and wonderful place, they were a small but beautiful window into my home. At once I understood my fear and dislike of vast empty spaces. Imagine spending centuries in a void…

"It was an odd world, and unfortunately the demons of your mind would not let it be peaceful and perfect. You created weapons and technology that had no rights to exist, and fortunately cannot, because the theories that you used to explain those things would not work in reality. You world was also magicless, though not without religion. For reasons I cannot decipher, you were "born" into a Christian family and "raised" as such. We managed to manipulate your world to make you an atheist and then, luckily for us, into a Pagan, the closest thing to the truth as we could manage. 

"Most of your other knowledge is real though, such as the languages you know. Polish, or something very similar is in actuality Scanran, and French, another language you learned is one of a land to the east. Then, once you were strong enough to take the brunt of your magic, we let you go and you came to in Tortall. We chose this place because you were most comfortable speaking Common, or English as you call it."

"Was my biological father a Scanran then? I suppose it made sense, he DID have the typical blue eyes and blonde hair, but what about my mother? I made her into a dark haired and dark eyed "Ukrainian". Where did she come from really?" I asked, taking this very calmly. I suppose I felt the "rightness" of Tortall, and how out of place I was in my technology driven world.

"She came from a farther east part of Scanra, closer to Galla." He replied, obviously relieved that I wasn't having a hysterical breakdown.

"Makes sense… but what is my purpose here? What am I to do? Here I am, having this awesome power, but no real reason for it."

With a knowing look in his eyes, Mithros, my _father_ in a way (odd thing to think…) simply said, "There's always a reason for everything. I'm sure Wicca taught you that. There are no coincidences and there are no mistakes. There is a reason why you became mature enough to use your magic at this precise moment. You just need to find it… or else it will find you." Then he disappeared again. Leaving me alone in the grand hall. Slowly I looked up, expecting to see the same foreboding blank sky, but instead I saw a mesmerizing clash of colors and patches of sounds that I could only hear if I concentrated on them. It was like an artist took a piece of every moment that was happening and splashed it onto the canvas. If I picked through the pictures I could see certain things happening, only from inside and out, and from all different angles. I saw a woman screaming and throwing blue flames around from the view of a passing bird, but at the same time, from the view of the person fighting with her, but also from the view of something resting on her shoulder, looking up at her enormous face. I picked through the collage of existence in front of me until I found my battle. I saw myself sleeping in a corner, turning fitfully in my slumber. 

_I want to go there,_ I thought, and as the grand marble hall faded from view, I knew I would never see it's splendors again… never get a glimpse of anyone else's lives like that again…

**Voila. I'm am finished this chapter. I finally now have the basis for which an epic can be formed. Though I don't have a proper plot for it yet, I'm quite capable of figuring out something. It's time to let Inspiration go, she is needed elsewhere. See, there she goes, disappearing into the mist. And since I don't have her I might as well let Motivation free too, he's getting quite jumpy and restless. **

**With both my guides gone, I'm once more stalled in a rut on the **Literary Road****** to Completion with only my Muse as a companion. I don't mind though, the view is nice, and my spot is comfortable, and I can see that the path I'm on has many possibilities. It just curves away into the horizon, so far in the hills that I cannot see it's end. I'll just sit and wait and chat, and hope Motivation sneaks up and pounces on me soon, to grab my hand and lead me on a whirlwind ride up and down the next couple hills and chapters, with Inspiration, fluttering away in my wake, conversing with my Muse.**


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